To Protect That Smile
by shadows and silhouettes
Summary: "This is a war, Matt, not one of your video games. If you aren't ready to deal with that, turn around right now and go back." Those were the first words that Mello spoke to me when I became his one and only true ally. A story of two starts and an end.


**My goodness, I haven't written Death Note in ages. I also haven't written first person in ages. Don't know why I did to begin with. Oh well. Enjoy!**

"This is a war, Matt, not one of your video games. If you aren't ready to deal with that, turn around right now and go back."

Those were the first words that Mello spoke to me when I became his one and only true ally. It had taken a lot of shouting and trying to persuade him to see things my way.

And then he'd given in and I felt like a weight had lifted off of my shoulders. I could protect him again. I could protect the stupid, impulsive, beautiful blonde that was my best friend and the only real person I gave a damn about.

Granted, that job wasn't all sunshine and daisies. We had our fair share of fights and feelings were often hurt, though it never lasted very long. We needed each other, even if Mello would never admit to it. I was the voice of reason he lacked and he was the fiery passion I never really possessed. Although, it hadn't always been that way. Back when I first met him, I couldn't stand Mello.

I still remember the day like it was yesterday. I was five years old and I was sort of proud at the time because I was the smartest in my age group and even more than some of the older kids. I learned quickly. And then Mello showed up and joined the little group and was all about being the best, even from such a young age. He never was, though.

Not long after he showed up, Near showed up. And so then it was Near and me with Mello in third. That changed two years later.

I was getting sick of Mello's constant tantrums so I might have purposely rigged it so he scored higher than me. Seeing him smile for the first time ever, even at just getting second, completely just rocked my world. At the age of seven, I knew that I had to do my best to keep that smile on his face and to put it back should it fall away again.

The mission of maintaining that smile it what led me to where I am today. Some people might call that pathetic and others might call it loyal or adorable. But I just call it my purpose.

Strange isn't it, how one person can be another's sole reason for living. I guess that's just how Mello is. He's so strong, but at the same time he's so incredibly vulnerable and you just have to protect him, you just have to make him happy any way you can. Even if that way is putting your very life on the line for something you honestly could not care any less about than you already do.

I didn't give a damn about beating Near to Kira, nor did I really have a wish to face off with the bastard, but for Mello I stepped forward to that line. He couldn't do it alone.

I think maybe he realized that at some point, because I didn't do nearly half of the dangerous shit he did. Maybe he was protecting me like I was protecting him. I never saw reason to ask him.

Somewhere along the way, I think I might have fallen in love with him, but I'm not really sure. I've never really felt love for anything, so I'm not entirely sure what it's supposed to feel like. Maybe I was just feeling the closeness of being with the same single person nearly all day every day. Not that it matters either way. Nothing would ever come of it if it really was love or something. We were too busy for things like that.

As the days went by, Mello got worse and worse and I couldn't make him smile anymore. All he did was scowl and growl under his breath about something or other. He was just horribly angry and frustrated in general.

Sometimes he even yelled at me like it was my fault we didn't have the same resources and access as Near, but really, there was only so much I could do. I never said anything back, however. I just let him yell until he was content with the amount he'd done so and pleased with what he's said in the process. It gave him peace, no matter how short-lived it was.

One time, when Mello was feeling rather mellow, he asked me why I put up with him and his crap. I just smiled at him and said, "Because you're important to me."

He'd seemed confused as to why, but said nothing more on the topic. I think it might have made him feel a little better to know that he was important to at least one person in the world rather than the nothing he usually felt he was.

And then he told me his grand scheme with the biggest grin on his face that I'd ever seen. It only took me a second to spot that it was fake, though. Surely, Mello knew that I knew that, but I said nothing. I just nodded along again, but this time I had no grin of my own. There was absolutely no way for this to have a good outcome and I noticed something when he was explaining things to me. I had the somewhat safer part…again. He was protecting me and I had a nearly perfect of success if I played my cards just right.

And I would never forgive him for it.

I would also never forgive him for that last sunset. I would never forgive him for looking at me, knowing damn well what would happen when we finally set out and saying, "Be careful, Matty."

The last words I would hear him speak alive.

"You too, Mel."

We hadn't used those nicknames since we were children. It made me want to cry for a moment. But, I just did my usual thing and smiled at him. For one small, fleeting moment he might have smiled back and then we were off.

And then everything was over. Just like that.

My cards hadn't fallen just right and I paid for it, but I knew I should expect Mello as well. I knew his part of this whole plot was much riskier. And I was, quite unfortunately, correct. I hated being right sometimes.

But there he was. And with a true smile he said, "We're done. Ready for a new start, Mail?"

The first words spoken at the beginning of everything all over again.

We weren't Matt and Mello anymore. They had just died for a cause only one of them really cared about. We were ourselves again.

So, this time I didn't just nod and smile at him like Matt would have. This time I said, "Bring it on, Mihael."

So, maybe I would forgive him for being so idiotic. I never could stay mad at people anyway. Besides, if I got to keep seeing him smile, I think I could deal with the fact that he'd gotten us both killed. The world wouldn't have been that great without Mello anyway.

**So, yeah. Reviews are optional, but I do like them.**


End file.
